Franklin Franklin Feather-Bottom
Wants rollerskates, but he hasn’t got’em
So he straps on a helmet he made with a box
And then he takes butter, and greases his socks
He bends on the sidewalk so his body is lowered
And he grabs on the fence and pulls himself forward
When that doesn’t work, he climbs up a slide
And then he stands up and he tries to ride
When that doesn’t work, he ties a rope to a car
And he starts really fast, but he doesn’t get far
Poor Franklin Franklin Feather-Bottom
Now he needs crutches, but he hasn’t got’em.

Have you ever seen the Snapping GrrrKnack?
It looks just like the floor when it lies on it’s back.

It waits for a kid to walk down the hall,
Then SNAP!, eats his dinner, backpack and all.

It’s favorite are kids that are not-quite-too-tallish
Or too roundly or pokey, or pale, wet, and smallish.

In fact, its favorite are roughly your size,
And while it may have an uncanny disguise

Are you sure that you haven’t seen my GrrrKnack?
Cause I left it around here, and I’d like it back.

“Can I have a piece of pizza, please?”
Asked picky Patty Prue.
“I’d like it to have extra cheese,
And you can put ham on it too.

“Please kindly add plenty of peppers,
But put all the red on one side,
The green should be chopped and sprinkled on top,
The yellows should each be pan-fried.

“I prefer pepperoni that’s sliced extra-thin,
And bacon that’s cut extra-fat,
I like my sausage simmered a little,
And pressed so it lays extra-flat.

“I’d like you to use the whole wheat dough,
I’d like you to roll it by hand.
I’d like it to be extra thick in the middle,
For that’s where the mushrooms will stand.

“Add onions and garlic and anchovies too,
And olives and a slice of tomato.
Add a little chili to the sauce that you use,
And mix in a little alfredo.

“Cook it extra hot for the very first seconds,
‘Til it gets nice and crisp on the border.
And that’s the piece of pizza that I would like
Do you think you can make my order?”

“Of course we can make it,” said the proud pizza-maker,
As he handed her the bill.
She looked at the price and said “Isn’t that nice?
Perhaps just a slice of cheese, if you will.”

“What could be odder than an otter
Racing a turtle on roller-skates?

What could be stranger than a sturgeon
Painting a map of the United States!?

Is there anything weirder
Than a giraffe with a beard or
A bat with a taste for musical theatre?!

Yes! The rumors are true
That my sister, Sue,
Likes to eat turnips and brussels sprouts too!!

“Blargen Spregen Blargen Sprew”
Is not a real language, I thought you knew.
When you first started speaking it, I found it amusing.
But now you won’t stop and it’s getting confusing.

Ever since you swallowed that strange, speckled seed.
You act like I should just know what you need.
Please just explain what you’d like me to do.
And stop “Blargen” and “Spregen” and “Blargen the Sprew!”

Words are words are words are real
And words can harm or words can heal
And words can hide or help reveal
The way you really truly feel.

Words are words are pretty things.
They leap from tongue when your heart sings
To match the song on your heartstrings
And share the noise of joy it brings.

Words are words are words are strong
And words can change who gets along
Or make you feel you don’t belong
When words are words are words are wrong.

Words are words are bigger still
Than castles or the paper mill
For without words we could not build,
Since building plans are all word-filled.

Words are words are letters too,
Just twenty-six arranged by you.
A mixed and matched-up alphabet stew
To share the thoughts your brain can spew.

And words are words and words can play
But words can hurt in the same way.
Be careful with your words today:
There’s strength in every one you say.

This poem was selected for my book!

“A double-jump and there, I win!”
Said Edward to the mannequin.
“I won at chess and marbles, too,
and jumping rope looked hard for you.

“You couldn’t get your kite to fly.
You couldn’t skip, but did you try?
And can you say you gave your all
Without one shot in basketball?

“I raced you to the tree and back—
That time I was defeated.
But isn’t there a tiny chance
That possibly you cheated?

“I would have won at Battleship,
But you were too afraid.
So then I won at Go Fish! twice
And three times at Old Maid.

“I won at almost everything,
But still, I’m quite impressed.
No matter how I try and try,
You win the stare contest.”

This poem was selected for my book!

Our fort can withstand any foe!
The Vikings and pirates won’t try.
The ninjas that vowed to defeat us
Abandoned and went home to cry.

The wrestlers were wasting their time
And the elephants gave up their pushin’.
Yes, our fort is impenetrable
(As long as you don’t move that cushion).

This poem was selected for my book!

There’s a man from Maine,
With steel for a rear—
I didn’t think I’d mind him.

But when he came by,
My chairs ran in fear,
And now I cannot find ’em.

That man is gone,
He split last week,
And left my house behind him.

But that, you see,
Is the worst place to be—
Behind Old Iron-Butt Bynum.

This poem was selected for my book!